Rectangle Take Two

Almost 400 downloads for my first Rectangle podcast.  Thanks to everyone who listened and shared. It's already time for the second show. Enjoy!!!

Remember Me - Tame Impala
Psyched out cover of Blueboy's '97 one hit wonder that kept me rooted to Liverpool Acid Jazz club dancefloors back in the day. The original is based around two samples from a live version of Marlena Shaw's Woman of the Ghetto. This version is the B-side of Tame Impala's Sundown Syndrome single. Last month saw the highly anticipated release of the Ozzie ensemble's second album Lonerism.

http://www.tameimpala.com/

The Witch - The Primitives
I must admit that I was never really a big fan of late 80s Conventry indie pop ensemble The Primitives. I wouldn't have thought there was much reason for them to reform 20 years later, but I was intrigued to hear that they had recorded an album of semi-obscure covers on interesting Spanish label Elefant Records. While most of it's not my bag, I just can't resist this spooky psyched out version of 60s German duo Adam and Eve's The Witch. Consider it a belated trick or treat. Oh, and check out the original.

http://the-primitives.co.uk/

Lupine Dominus - Thee Oh Sees.
Washing dishes and checking out the Uncut Magazine September free cd, when track 8 came on, I almost dropped and smashed my best china. In the midst of a desert of the kind of dull alt-folk-rock that unfortunately seems to be taking over the world, Lupine Dominus was my oasis, quenching a long overdue thirst for something a bit out of the ordinary. This track has it all: it's dirty and fuzzy but when Brigid Dawson's vocals emerge, you're transported to a more blissful place. Their new album, Putrifiers II, is a joy from start to finish.

http://www.theeohsees.com/

Rainy Day - Susan Christie
I've just about had a bellyful of Adele, so I'm always rooting around for tracks by female singers with a difference. This beautifully rich vocal by the largely overlooked Susan Christie is featured on touching psychedelic folk album Paint a Lady which was finally released on Andy Votel's marvellous Finders Keepers label several decades after it's 1970 recording.

It's a Rainy Day Sunshine Girl - Faust
More talk of unpleasant weather (well I do live in Belgium!) this time from German Krautrock trio Faust and their 1972 track with an unexpected but delicious sax solo at the end.

Caught By the Sun - The Soundcarriers
When Broadcast's Trish Keenan passed away last year, a hole was left in my life. The good news is that Broadcast will be back with a new album in January 2013 featuring vocals recorded by Trish before her death. In the meantime, said hole was temporarily filled by the cinematic sounds of Nottingham's The Soundcarriers with their two remarkable albums Harmonium and Celeste. They have now gone on to take up their own place in my heart and I'm sure you'll see why when you hear Caught By The Sun.

http://www.thesoundcarriers.com/

Girl - Opossom.
Nostalgia-drenched psych pop from New Zealand named after a cuddly marsupial; who'd have thought? In fact, quickly skimming through my music collection, I can't find anything else from that part of the world. I may have a dusty old Crowded House cassette somewhere and I briefly remember a dalliance with some MP3s from a colourful outfit called The Ruby Suns, but other than that, I welcome any suggestions for a more comprehensive Kiwi playlist. This opening track from debut album Electric Hawaii gives a playful nod in the direction of The Velvet Underground's Femme Fatale before drowning you in Beach Boys vocals and Beatles drum patterns. Their single Blue Meanies is also worth more than one listen.

http://opossom.bandcamp.com/

Wives and Lovers - Andy Williams
Sad times. The music industry recently said goodbye and RIP to two of its legends: Hal David, one of the finest and most influential lyricists and one half of the only partnership to rival Lennon and McCartney, closely followed by velvet-throated 60s legend Andy Williams. Here they collaborate on the innocently misogynistic Wives and Lovers. Music by the wonderful Burt Bacharach.

Our Day Will Come - Ruby and the Romantics
More recently brought back into the spotlight with Amy Winehouse's slightly skanky and delicious version on posthumous compilation, Lioness: Hidden Treasures, this 1963 orginal has the edge thanks to is delightfully soaring hammond swirls.

Beep Beep - Edgar Summertyme
Perhaps new album Sense of Harmony is not his best work to date, but this cheeky bossa nugget from my favourite Liverpool bedroom noodler keeps putting a smile on my face. For those who want to explore further, Summertyme also goes by the name Edgar Jones.

Baby Please Don't Go - Gary Glitter
Perhaps not the best choice of track when, a week after recording my show, Glitter is once again in the public eye under suspicion of wanting to be in Jimmy Savile's gang. But political correctness aside, this version of blues classic Baby Please Don't Go is just too good not to share. And there are the other musicians to consider...

Food For My Soul - The Dragons
It's a long story, but the edited version goes something like this. Way back in the 70s, some one-time Beach Boys session musicians were playing around in the studio and recorded an album of experimental jazzy harmony-laden grooves that never got released. Forward 30 odd years when DJ Food discovers Food For My Soul on an old surf soundtrack and loves it so much that he gets in touch with the Californian brothers leading to an eventual 2007 of their lost album BFI on Ninja Tune. Interestingly, Daryl Dragon was also one half of 70s duo Captain and Tenille who topped charts with their cheesy but lovable hit Love Will Keep Us Together.

Jardin du Luxembourg - The Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger
Like father like son? Quite possibly, as the most talented of the Beatles offspring has shacked up with his model girlfriend in a New York appartment where I can't help but imagine they lie in bed amongst a sea of quirky musical instruments recording their cutesy melodious pop.

http://www.thegoastt.com/

Two Fingers - Jake Bugg
Support act for Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, baby-faced Jake Bugg first impressed me with his flawless performance on Later...with Jools Holland. The Nottingham-based teenager is affectionately referred to as the "council estate Dylan" and Two Fingers does what it says on the tin; if he gives a double digit salute to any record company moguls that try to polish him up, I think there could be great things to come.

http://jakebugg.com/

Sneak Into My Room - James Levy and The Blood Red Rose
A modern day take on Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra, James Levy and The Blood Roses's country tinged debut album Pray To Be Free is chock full of romantic duets like Sneak Into My Room. Plus there's a really cute cat in the video!

http://www.myspace.com/bloodredrosenyc

Desert Raven - Jonathan Wilson
A hint of Americana to finish with this luscious sun-drenched piece of nostalgia from Wilson's 2011 album Gentle Spirit. Jonathan Wilson was born around about the same time as me and here he evokes the nights when I was allowed to stay up late and hear my parents spinning 70s classics like The Eagles, Crosby Stills Nash and Young and America.

http://songsofjonathanwilson.com/

Planet Claire, C'est Rectangulaire!

Yesterday one of my lifelong dreams came true: my very own radio show went on air. In my tender years I would spend every Sunday afternoon, meticulously recording the UK Top 40 on a C90 cassette, carefully pausing the tape recorder to eliminate the voice of The Hairy Cornflake, Bruno Brookes - or whoever happened to be hosting on that occasion - and replacing it with my own dulcet tones.

Now, once a month, you can hear my very own selection in podcast format on Radio Rectangle. I can’t promise any 80s classics from the likes of Rick Astley, Bananarama or Joe Dolce, but I hope to treat your ears to an eclectic mix of my favourite new releases and some older weird and wonderful psychedelic and soul treasures from around the globe.

Here’s the first instalment and some details about my selection. If you enjoy my show, please spread the word!

Give Me a Second Chance – The Wave Pictures
For me, one of the more original bands of their genre around at the moment thanks to lyrics wise beyond their years and their highly entertaining and varied live shows. This track is taken from their latest album Long Black Cars on Moshi Moshi Records.

http://www.thewavepictures.com/

You still Believe in Me – The Magnetic North
One of the finer moments on Pet Sounds Revisited, a Beach Boys covers compilation issued by Mojo Magazine last June.
http://www.myspace.com/themagneticnorthmusic

Puppet Man – The Fifth Dimension
The harmonies, the wah wah guitars, the threads! Impossible to listen to this California late 60s classic without a smile on your face.

Funky Funky Blues – Damon
A psych curio I happened on one day recently whilst rummaging around YouTube. Just 100 copies of Damon’s album Song of a Gypsy were pressed, making it one of the most sought after collector’s items going for a snip at $3,500 on ebay. Now reissued at a more democratic price.
http://www.damonthegypsy.com/

Lost in Dreams - Brian Olive
From former Greenhornes guitarist’s 2011 second solo outing, Two of Everything. This is how I imagine John Lennon would sound if he was an up-and-coming songwriter in the current climate.
http://www.brianolive.net/

Ruby - The Silver Apples
From their second album Contact which unwittingly caused their break-up. The band and label Kapp Records were faced with a lawsuit on behalf of spoil sports Pan Am who were unimpressed by sleeve artwork picturing the band in a plane cockpit surrounded by drug paraphernalia and playing banjos amongst plane wreckage. http://www.silverapples.com/

Left a Message – Death Masks
A lot of record company interest in this young group at the moment. Both tracks are winners on this debut single which can be downloaded for £0 at bandcamp. My brother plays drums, but a bit of nepotism never hurt anyone.
http://www.facebook.com/deathmasksband

Watch The Flowers Grow – The Wonder Who?
I immediately thought that this was an obscure Zombies track on first listen. In fact, it’s Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons sneakily recording something a little more flower power than usual under one of several pseudonyms that they apparently enjoyed adopting every now and again. It’s featured on Belle and Sebastian’s Late Night Tales 2 compilation amongst a bunch of other treasures.

Little Girl – Spiritualized
A band that never seem to put a foot wrong in my book, managing to stir up melancholia and simultaneoulsy lift you to a higher plain. This track does what it says on the packet.
http://www.spiritualized.com/

Cuts – The Bordellos
It’s a family affair with this North West trio of two brothers and their ultra talented son/nephew Dan. Brian Bordello churns out immaculate pop songs at an enviable rate. So much so that he has already pushed an album’s worth of fine material in my direction to record with my band The Winter Tyres. A huge challenge to do his work justice. Cuts is from their latest long-player, Monkee Complex and can be downloaded from bandcamp.
http://www.facebook.com/TheBordellos

Get On Your Knees – Reverend Beat-Man and The Unbelievers
Earlier this year, I would never have imagined Swiss rockabilly punk to be my work-out music of choice, but after a blinding gig at Liege’s Microfestival in August, I’m a total convert. One of my best DJ moments was cranking this up in a local bar and turning round to see an excited barman proudly showing me his upper arm tattoo of the Voodoo Rhythm Records (home of the Reverend) logo.

Our Love Will Still Be There – Fabienne Delsol and The Bristols
A weird production where the drums almost sound like they are providing the melody. Accompanied by a beautiful it’s-so-bad-it’s-attractive French girl singing in English, this makes for a delicious groove.

Chicken Payback – The Bees
‘All the animals together break it down let me hear ya!’ Surely this retro soul flavoured track should have its very own dance sequence?
http://wearethebees.tumblr.com/

Only In My Dreams – Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti
Mature Themes is a strong contender for album of the year. I’ve opted for one of the mellower, less crazy tracks that doesn’t mention blowjobs of death or nympho colonscopists.
http://4ad.com/artists/arielpinkshauntedgraffiti

Transformation Fantasy – Joy Zipper
I’m a sucker for male/female pillow talk duos and this is one of my favourites. The Buffalo Springfield sample is used to great effect, lulling you into the false sense of security that it’s another Summer of Love when, basically, it hasn’t stopped pissing it down for weeks.
http://www.myspace.com/joyzipper

Juillet Brillait - Mademoiselle Nineteen
A little more pretending that it’s summer. If people still bought cds, this would be selling like hotcakes this year in the UK, as the latest coffee table perfect French pop with which to impress your friends at dinner parties.
http://www.mademoisellenineteen.com/

Thinking of You – Paul Weller
I don’t always see what people mean when they talk about Paul Weller’s ‘impeccable soul taste’, but here he revamps this Sister Sledge disco classic to showcase it as the love song that it truly is. Acoustic throaty bliss from the Modfather.
http://www.paulweller.com/

It Started Out So Nice – Sixto Rodriguez
If you haven’t yet seen awarding winning rockumentary Searching for Sugarman, then get your ass down to the cinema pronto. The wonderful story of would-be 60s folk legend will make every last one of your hairs stand on end. Waterproof mascara all the way, ladies.
http://sugarman.org/

  

The Customer is Always Wrong

Yesterday I found myself in the stressful position of returning a pair of headphones to Fnac. I purchased them just 5 weeks ago in the sale and, unfortunately, they stopped working in one ear. Armed with my receipt, I politely explained the situation to the surly man on the After Sales counter and awaited my fate. On this occasion, he reluctantly agreed to exchange my product, but not without first pointing out that I had owned the item for almost a month and a half, so what did I expect....? Mmmm…..maybe I should read the small print on my ONE YEAR GUARANTEE.

Unfortunately, this kind of situation is common place here in Belgium. As much as I love living here and all the warm and magical people that surround me, I will never get used to the Belgian approach to customer service. After growing up in a climate where the customer is always right, - even if he punches you in the face - I don’t understand why I am compelled to endure being treated like a criminal for being in possession of a faulty product and having to apologise for even daring to approach a shop assistant when they are in the process of stacking shelves.

Yet nobody ever seems to complain. Nobody here seems even slightly irritated at having to queue for half an hour at the sole open till as shop assistants stroll around chatting merrily and doing precious little else. On occasion, I have made futile attempts at airing my grievances. There is never a manager to speak to, but on the rare occasion there is, your issues are met with reactions that vary from indifference to outright mirth. Figures of superiority without fail side with their co-workers and have zero tolerance for aggrieved customers.

Lack of basic training and motivation is clearly one of the underlying factors, leaving staff indifferent and undynamic. The Post Office at Brussels Schuman is a good example. A colleague of mine once queued there for more than 20 minutes to buy some first class stamps, only to be met with outrage; "We don’t sell stamps here".  As he pondered incredulously over the purpose of this enterprise, the little old lady queuing behind him offered to sell him a book of stamps  that she was carrying in her purse. Maybe that’s not a bad business idea; setting up a stall selling stamps outside the post office.

It was far from the best decision I have ever made to buy a bike at Decathalon. I probably would have got better after-service care from a car boot sale. Decathlon has surprisingly late opening hours compared to other Belgian retail outlets and, handily, I can pop to the Liege branch on my street until as late as 7.30pm. I once went there around 6.30pm for a minor repair to my still-under-guarantee bike, only to be told by the department representative that he was too busy and that I should come back the day after and implying that I shouldn’t expect any form of service if I have the gall to show up at the shop after 6pm. All the while he was standing under a gigantic sign that read: 'Service Express' I made a mental note to book a day off work for any future inner tube replacements.

For many years, I have frequented swish salad restaurant Le Bruit Qui Court who recently closed their doors for several months to undergo refurbishment. I was quite surprised on my last visit there to see minimal amendments to the previous décor and that in essence, they had just ripped out the bar to create extra space for tables. They must have had a 50% increase in potential diners. But had there been a boost in the number of staff? Had there buffalo! There were just two waiters working at lightning speed to ensure that all those hungry mouths got fed. The result was that we waited over an hour for our first drink and then got served the aperitif and starter simultaneously. When one of the poor waiters eventually leaned over to pour my wine, the stale body odour he was exuding was almost enough to put me off my scallops (almost!). This system is just based on pure greed, over-exerting staff to the point of abuse and dissuading customers from leaving tips. Restaurateurs may think they are the winners, but when mistakes such as forgetting to include the wine on the bill inevitably occur, as in this instance, they are also left out of pocket.

Unfortunately, I don’t see the status quo changing any time in the near future , but,  ladies and gentleman, if I am not alone in my plight and you have an axe to grind, please feel free to use the space on this page to name and shame any societies or patrons that have treated you like anything other than royalty.

Rectangular

Coming soon....new radio that will revolutionise Belgian radio...Rectangle will be on air on 24 September 2012...


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Knowing Me, Knowing Ewing

If my memory serves me well, the first best day of my life was when my Mum announced that I was allowed to stay up until 9pm and watch Dallas. For my preadolescent self, this represented the first taste of an adult world that had previously been off limits. From then on, my Thursday nights would be filled with high drama, cowboys and oversized shoulder pads.

Like the rest of the world, Dallas became an all-consuming obsession for the female contingency of the Wilcock household. Some of my very first crushes emerged from the earlier episodes, arguably influencing my penchant for bad boys when I eventually entered secondary school: There was Bobby in his snug swimwear, hunky Ray Krebbs who liked to get his hands dirty and, who can forget, Dr Mitch Cooper - Lucy’s first husband, who my Mum described as ‘dishy’?

The only dark days of the 80s were during the summer months when, following an episode featuring an unseen character called Cliff Hanger, Dallas mysteriously went off air until it was time to go back to school. In the meantime, I could play with my goldfish named JR.

 

Sadly, Dallas fizzled out in the early 90s, as, 14 seasons down the line, viewers finally started doubting its credibility (nobody batted an eyelid when Bobby came back from the dead five seasons earlier). There may be American series coming out of my ears these days, but nothing will ever fill the void in my life that appeared when my beloved Ewings disappeared off the television.

 

But now, it's back!!!

 

After more than ten painstaking years, everything is just how it should be. It isn't a remake, it's a continuation. Initially, I was somewhat sceptical; would it be possible to create a modern day version of Dallas with everything in place that made it so fabulous in the first place? But after viewing it last night, I can safely say that it is a resounding success. Why? Well, all the essential ingredients were in place...

 

Dallas: The Essential Ingredients

 

1. The Theme Tune

If they had changed the theme tune, I would have switched off immediately. End of.

 

2. The Cast

Miraculously, the casting director has managed to get some of the best loved original actors and characters back on our screen, including brothers JR (Larry Hagman) and Bobby (Patrick Duffy). Looking slightly more piggy-eyed and thick-necked than a decade ago, Steve Kanaly also put in a brief appearance as Ray Krebbs. Elsewhere, with Charlene Tilton clearly focussing on a blossoming Hollywood career, it was nice to see Vanessa Feltz cast in the role of petite and saucy (I'm quoting Wikipedia) Lucy Ewing. And finally, we come to Sue Ellen. Nobody else could portray everyone's favourite woman scorned as well as Linda Gray. Disappointingly, Sue Ellen is sober in this pilot episode (although she does look a bit rough, but I'm guessing that's probably down to one Botox shot too many).

 

3. Continuity

Bobby is married to some woman called ‘Ann’ and poor Pam is not mentioned once during the entire episode. Maybe she was just in a dream I had. Otherwise the continuity is completely flawless, even to the point that there is still the same photo of John Ross as a boy in powder blue pyjamas on JR’s desk as in the original series, which the camera pans in on at least three times.  Nice touch.

 

4. The slur on the memory of a dead Ewing

On this occasion, the deceased Miss Elly is disrespected when John Ross goes against her wishes and drills for oil on Southfork Ranch, quite rightly resulting in his ejection from the Ewing household.

 

5. Oil field brawl

Usually between any two (possibly three) of the brothers and broken up by one of the elderly Ewing statesmen. On this occasion John Ross and Christopher hammer it out following the oil drilling incident (see 4).

 

6. The sheriff visits Southfork Ranch

Often with news of a Ewing altercation, DUI incident or to serve papers. No matter how hostile, the sheriff is always greeted jovially and served a Scotch on the rocks (although all-day drinking seemed a bit thin on the ground in the all-new Dallas).

 

7. Ewing wedding/BBQ/Oil Baron's Ball

The party of the year that, without fail, comes to a sticky end following some manner of fisty cuffs.

 

It was me!

Hearing the ocasional grunted cyncism from the lips of my husband was not quite the same as curling up on the sofa with my Mum and half a pound of chocolate raisins, but I can say with some degree of certainty that I will be making a date with the TV for several Wednesday nights to come.

Back to Blog

April 2012. With a fresh injection of holiday bonus cash burning a hole in my pocket, I decide that it is long overdue that I invest in my very first laptop. How I had managed to survive without one up to that point was perplexing. Just think of the hours of translation work that I could plough through with the right technology in my hands. And then there was the matter of my blog. Now that I had become a regular and accomplished blogger, with portable IT at hand, I could finally become one of those enviable souls that lounge around plush cafes uploading intentionally faded retro photos and typing up their witty repartee as they nurse the same pot of Lapsang Souchong over the space of an entire morning.

5 months later and time for a reality check. Glancing sheepishly this morning at my neglected, unedited blog, it dawned on me that I have spent €600 of my hard-earned on what is just another (more cumbersome) device for playing Bubbleshoot and that even my commuting hours have been spent mostly unfruitfully.

To be fair to myself, the past few months have been a busy time. But before I embark on an intricate myriad of excuses, honesty is probably the best policy. I feel compelled to acknowledge that this blog has been weighing me down somewhat and adding an element of unnecessary pressure to my life. While the concept of trying out new pursuits remains dear to me, the practice is unsustainable and what was supposed to be an escape channel from the humdrum of routine has, ironically, become equally as suffocating. By promising that ‘Every week I will try something new’, I essentially created a set of limitations for myself.

At the same time, my passion for writing and sharing anecdotes and photos has not dwindled, nor has my zest for new experiences. I considered starting another blog, something more focussed and sustainable, but I’m not ready to abandon ‘The Spice of Life’ and its voice just yet (nor can I be arsed desiging a whole new page!)  So I guess it’s time to take the blog somewhere else…I’m not sure where…but watch this space…

Girls on Film

This week, for the first time:

I watched 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

Rom coms, chick flicks, whatever you want to call them, I have never been massively sold on the idea in the past. There was clearly something not quite right with me, as box office figures, Academy Awards and the rest of the general female public frequently begged to differ and while 'Titanic' was selling out in cinemas all over the world, I was more than happy to sit at home munching on a bowl of Butterkist glued to the latest Korean horror picture.

After watching 'He's Just Not That Into You' on Sunday, I have somewhat changed my mind. With a star-studded cast (Jennifer Anniston, Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connolly, that guy from Alias who's in everything at the moment), I initially switched on this film as the perfect antidote to my post-birthday party fatigue, but after just a short time, discovered that I was enjoying every second thank you very much. There was even a brief moment when a genuine guffaw took control of my body and during some of the more sentimental scenes, dare I say it, my eyes filled up.

The storyline covered a spectrum of characters and focused on how signals from the opposite sex can be misinterpreted (in particular women misreading men). Thankfully, the movie avoided taking stereotyping a degree too far and built on some interesting scenarios; Jennifer Aniston's character, desperate to marry long-term boyfriend who refuses to pop the question; Drew Barrymore's portrayal of a young woman disenchanted with the ins and outs of dating in the modern world (I am eternally thankful that I settled down with my better half before times when it's necessary to log into five different devices until it sinks in that you've been dumped); Jennifer Connolly as neurotic sour puss whose husband strays with a literally scarlet (Johansson) woman. They all lived happily ever after is a foregone conclusion with most chick flicks, but what I liked about this was, it wasn't a deliriously happy ending for all of the characters and, now and again -shock, horror - there was something I could more than vaguely relate to.

The conlusion that I have drawn is that, like any other film genres, there will be movies that are good or even great and others that are just simply awful and, maybe I am just difficult to please when it comes to chick flicks. Take 'Bridget Jones's Diary'. I have had to sit through so many conversations in the past ten years listening to intelligent women shrieking in delight about this movie and I have simply sat there nodding and smiling at the appropriate moments. Well now it's time for me to come clean; I can't stand Bridget Jones. The film; the book; the woman; the whole concept. I find the 'let's all have a jolly good laugh at a big pair of knickers' humour a little on the patronising side. Bridget Jones makes me feel pigeon-holed and stereotyped and, while the message is supposed to be 'it's ok if you don't look like a super model and you're not a size 6', it's also saying that the alternative is to be this goofy, clumsy, irritating, man-hungry horsey type. Other than dress size issues, we have little in common; a broken heart would not lead me to sit at home wringing my hands and listening to Eric Carmen power ballads. Nick Cave murder ballads maybe. On first viewing, the giant pants thing is possibly mildly amusing, but I genuinely find these 'we're all girls together, nudge nudge, wink wink' conspiratorial gags tiresome. I'm not a miserable sod, honest. But for me, as Bridget Jones masqueraded as a positive role model for the new Millennium, she actually represented three steps backwards in the evolution of my gender.

And don't get me started on 'Mamma Mia'. I had the misfortune to encounter this alleged piece of entertainment a few weeks ago when I was stuck at home, under the weather. 20 minutes was all I could stomach and that was being open-minded (and too lazy to reach for the remote control). Implied in every second of this cringeworthy tat is that, once a woman hits her 50s, her sense of dignity hits rock bottom and she is completely justified in indulging in the most vulgar, raucous and downright uncouth behaviour. Just because we maybe aren't blessed with the same youthful beauty as Jane Seymour or Honor Blackman, doesn't mean that any decorum or femininity should be straight out of the window. Meryl Streep should be obliged to return her Oscars after her ill-advised appearance in this tripe. Such a shame as I quite like Abba. Our American cousins have managed to perfect the chick flick, in a way that currently escapes us. Usually harmless enough, their leading ladies are often too-good-to-be-true, but it doesn't stop us all from aspiring to be like them anyway. Despite her somewhat questionable profession, everybody wants to be the Julia Roberts character in 'Pretty Woman'. And let's face it, when it comes to romantic hero, they get it far more on the money than the Brits do. You can give me twinkly-eyed Richard Gere over dull-as-ditchwater Colin Firth any day and even a pushing septuagenarian Clint Eastwood ('Bridges of Madison County') rates way higher in the sexy stakes than faffing buffoon Hugh Grant ('Notting Hill'). I have just finished browsing through several lists of 'Top 100 Chick Flicks' (there's even a full list of 100 written for the male audience for the purposes of wooing unsuspecting females, complete with quotes). Admittedly, there are more than a handful that I have never seen (The Joy Luck Club, The Truth About Cats and Dogs), some that I have every attention of avoiding at all costs (My Big Fat Greek Wedding, anything with Whoopi Goldberg), but there are others that I've seen countless times which will never get stale (An Officer and a Gentleman, Love Story). There are probably too many gory Asian arthouse films out there to prevent me from wading my way through these entire lists, but I'm more than happy to borrow Julia Roberts's thigh length boots from time to time. Bridget Jones can keep her big pants, though. Will I try this again?: I'm waiting for your recommendations, ladies...